This world is not happy, it is full of dark fairies and horrid trolls. There is always something we can fear but not many come to fear themselves. I have…
I fear the words I can use to hurt someone, I fear the damage I could create, I fear what I could do. Fearing yourself can be a great thing, as you are aware that you can do wrong… but I have come to such a state that I don’t even understand. The darkness that was and occasionally still surrounds me has left me with a new understanding. The things I learn about the creatures I encounter can be used as a way to hurt them. I have the thoughts that could lead to actions, and I come closer and closer to becoming a dark creature. I become closer and closer to finding myself stuck within a world of self created chaos!
I may sound like a crazy person saying I could do it if I wanted, I just don’t. Its not like that, It is a situation where I find myself in situations were these horrid things are just a slight reach away. My mind is saying that I should say them, as they are true but my conscious is there only slightly reminding me that those thoughts are not things to be repeated. They are not things you say to your friends, or even enemies. I fear that I will let this darkness that is within me win… I fear that I will lose control. I mostly fear whatever it is that has caused this change within me…
More to come,
The not so wicked witch
I am going to be incredibly blunt right now and say that I have been hit with a lifetime curse. This isn’t a simple thing that I can ignore or laugh at… It is very serious and quite harmful. I have been going to a elf for help, where she tries to dissipate the curses influence on my life, but it hasn’t been going too well. I see her weekly but I doubt I will actually be able to get myself out of this mess. This is the curse that kept me away for a few months, and it has come around again at full force. Its not even something my greatest friends can help me battle as none actually understand what is going on. No matter how many times you explain this to someone they will never truly understand unless they have studied these curses or actually have been cursed in some way resembling yours.
I suppose I should give it a shot though… I just feel so lost, I feel as if there is this whole in my chest where the essence of myself used to be, but it has been stolen. essentially I feel as if someone has ripped my soul out of my chest leaving me with no way to actually feel. This has left me with a fear of talking to my greatest ally Zachery… and that hurts me the most. How am I suppose to find myself when I cannot even summon enough courage to tell my Best Friend that there is something wrong. I currently sit in a room at the Camelot university where my main goal is to keep myself from crying and shaking as that all I have been able to do for the last hour. Thankfully Anna is here and making sure I am ok. Though even with an ally beside me feel as if I am trapped in the dark ages with no way to escape ….
Ruby the not so wicked witch