A change in the air

I have found myself feeling different these past few days, I am laughing and dancing and goofing around in a way I normally wouldn’t. Sarah has even mentioned my randomness and many have told me I need to drink less energy potions. But I know its because I finally feel happy again, fully gleefully happy! The dark days are for now behind me and I am actually smiling a lot. This is very much because of my friends, I spent a week in Tartarus with Zachery and Erik and when I came back I felt different. Then I have been spending time with Cody who constantly makes me laugh like an idiot! Then as usual Sarah and Anna have been the greatest, and with all of this together It helped. I am looking at the world in a different way, but it isn’t scary its peaceful. I don’t fall asleep with tears in my eyes, and I wake up optimistic of the day ahead.

I find myself creating magic again also, something I haven’t done in a very long time. I feel the change in the air, and it is clean and fresh! Looking ahead things may be bumpy but it will be full of laughter and friends! I cant ask for anything else!

More to come,

Ruby the not so Wicked Witch

When a friend is the best magic

So I am back in Tartarus, attempting to figure out some of the things in my life that have been troubling me. I haven’t talked much about the true issues in my life and have opted to discuss less troubling matters such as Cody and Cam as it makes it easier to write. I wish  I could truly explain the issues in my life as of recent but I myself have no clue as to what words could adequately describe my emotional state. So I am happy to report I am back with Erik and Zachery and hopefully one of them will have wise words to help me figure out my life. If not I know they will help me at least in the way of distraction as they are always there to make me laugh and smile, no matter what else is going on in my life!

I think I have had a change in attitude these past few days just because I knew I would be back with them! As well as because I have to report about Cody and Cam, I need the two most important men in my life to approve those I am possibly crushing on. They also need to help me figure out how delusional Sarah is in her assumption that they like me! But I am mostly excited for a day of adventure we have decided to embark on. The goal is to get 20 things off a checklist of “bucket list” items! These things involve us roaming around Tartarus and having some great laughs!

Well I suppose I should get back to reality instead of just writing about it!

More to come,

Ruby  the not so Wicked witch

When Your thoughts are consumed

I am so confused and frustrated. I don’t know what is happening to me, I cannot seem to concentrate on anything I need to. My thoughts are consumed with feelings, and I am at a loss. I can barely think of the words to describe my situation now; all I know is that I have caught myself behaving differently than I normally do around these two guys. Sarah thinks I am crushing on both of these guys, but I don’t normally do that. I get intrigued by people I don’t understand and then once I do learn about them I get over it, not with these guys. The more I hang out with Cody the more intrigued I get, and the worst but best part is he actually has the ability to surprise me… It is annoying. And then there is Cam, and I barely know anything about him except I find myself excited when I see him and talk to him. There is the running theory that this is because when I see him he is working at the potions shop and I am getting my favourite drink, but I don’t think that is it. If I see him as I am walking by I feel weird. This is abnormal and annoying. I think the only person who is happy about this is Sarah because she finds it funny that I cannot figure these guys out and its causing me to act out of character.

Honestly I am having such a difficult time figuring them out that I couldn’t even write about their character as I don’t know it.  Which is good because of the fact that if I was to like a person I would want them to be someone fascinating and someone that I can be surprised by, but those traits also make me so frustrated. I cannot even describe the frustration I am feeling, some of it comes from the situation with them and some comes from the fact that I have noticed myself behaving in ways that I don’t understand. For example, I have been fumbling on things I shouldn’t (in front of a class even), talking a lot more than normal (which in my case is a very very large amount)! Trust me it is an intense amount of weirdness that I do not understand in any way. I know that anyone reading this will probably be sitting there thinking “its obvious you like someone, don’t make a big deal out of it!” well for me that is a big deal. I don’t have emotions like this, honestly I don’t care enough to have emotions like this. So I feel like I have the right to be this confused and frustrated.

 

Wish me luck,

The not so wicked witch

A dark world

This world is not happy, it is full of dark fairies and horrid trolls. There is always something we can fear but not many come to fear themselves. I have…

I fear the words I can use to hurt someone, I fear the damage I could create, I fear what I could do. Fearing yourself can be a great thing, as you are aware that you can do wrong… but I have come to such a state that I don’t even understand. The darkness that was and occasionally still surrounds me has left me with a new understanding. The things I learn about the creatures I encounter can be used as a way to hurt them. I have the thoughts that could lead to actions, and I come closer and closer to becoming a dark creature. I become closer and closer to finding myself stuck within a world of self created chaos!

I may sound like a crazy person saying I could do it if I wanted, I just don’t. Its not like that, It is a situation where I find myself in situations were these horrid things are just a slight reach away. My mind is saying that I should say them, as they are true but my conscious is there only slightly reminding me that those thoughts are not things to be repeated. They are not things you say to your friends, or even enemies. I fear that I will let this darkness that is within me win… I fear that I will lose control. I mostly fear whatever it is that has caused this change within me…

More to come,

The not so wicked witch

Curses

I am going to be incredibly blunt right now and say that I have been hit with a lifetime curse. This isn’t a simple thing that I can ignore or laugh at… It is very serious and quite harmful. I have been going to a elf for help, where she tries to dissipate the curses influence on my life, but it hasn’t been going too well. I see her weekly but I doubt I will actually be able to get myself out of this mess. This is the curse that kept me away for a few months, and it has come around again at full force. Its not even something my greatest friends can help me battle as none actually understand what is going on. No matter how many times you explain this to someone they will never truly understand unless they have studied these curses or actually have been cursed in some way resembling yours.

I suppose I should give it a shot though… I just feel so lost, I feel as if there is this whole in my chest where the essence of myself used to be, but it has been stolen. essentially I feel as if someone has ripped my soul out of my chest leaving me with no way to actually feel. This has left me with a fear of talking to my greatest ally Zachery… and that hurts me the most. How am I suppose to find myself when I cannot even summon enough courage to tell my Best Friend that there is something wrong. I currently sit in a room at the Camelot university where my main goal is to keep myself from crying and shaking as that all I have been able to do for the last hour. Thankfully Anna is here and making sure I am ok. Though even with an ally beside me feel as if I am trapped in the dark ages with no way to escape ….

Ruby the not so wicked witch

Relationship blunder

Missing Months Part 3

What is a fairytale without a few twists and turns, my weirdest turn in these past months was a proposal from Richard. I feel like the use of the word weirdest implies the proposal was unwanted and VERY unexpected. I was actually very angry and quite insulted to be honest. Its not like he was a bad man, he was just pushing a proposal on someone he had barely been seeing.

He offered me a nice life, but a life that meant sacrificing a lot of my aspirations for his, even though he didn’t implicitly say this… I just knew. For me it would never matter what a gentleman could give me if he wanted my intellectual peruses to be shut down. I have come to learn very few sympathize with my anger and pain, because who wouldn’t want a wealthy man to shower them with gifts. Well if this wasn’t obvious to you I wouldn’t! I want love, and an epic weird love story, not a bribed relationship. So I am apparently set to be single for a very long time.

More to come,

The not so Wicked Witch

 

2 princes and a beast

I have come into a large dilemma, starting with me dating a shape shifter and ending with me and a prince having a spell driven moment. It started with my ex showing his true form, by cheating on me. We had been together for a few months and he was a day away from meeting those closest to me, but I came to his chambers to find another women within them. Then as a way to make me realize that I needed to date a nice man, mary chose to try to use her magic and get me are friend Liam together. He is a tradesman with a great heart and I have always been fond of him, but never could think more of it because he is Zachary’s greatest Ally and Friend. Mary’s efforts worked in some manner and got Liam and me to kiss, in an intoxicated state of truth or dare though. Then there is Richard, a charming warrior in a battle for good, a man who indeed has deep feelings for me. I am just unsure as to my feelings for him, though this did not stop us from having a lust induced moment of weakness. If it were not for my magic mirrors insistent ringing we would have lost ourselves completely.

I am confused as I may still have feelings for my ex, along with liam and possibly Richard. I am lost in a world of what ifs and however’s, worst of all I am not even planning on staying in tartarus for the entire summer. Zachery and his family are taking me to their summer home for over a week and then when I return I plan on packing up and heading out, with only a small chance of me coming back for a week to work a few more shifts. It is not fair to them to pursue these feelings when I plan on leaving for Camelot so soon, and its not fair to put me through the pain of getting attached.

Why does this have to happen now..?

More to come,

Ruby the not so wicked witch