I am so confused and frustrated. I don’t know what is happening to me, I cannot seem to concentrate on anything I need to. My thoughts are consumed with feelings, and I am at a loss. I can barely think of the words to describe my situation now; all I know is that I have caught myself behaving differently than I normally do around these two guys. Sarah thinks I am crushing on both of these guys, but I don’t normally do that. I get intrigued by people I don’t understand and then once I do learn about them I get over it, not with these guys. The more I hang out with Cody the more intrigued I get, and the worst but best part is he actually has the ability to surprise me… It is annoying. And then there is Cam, and I barely know anything about him except I find myself excited when I see him and talk to him. There is the running theory that this is because when I see him he is working at the potions shop and I am getting my favourite drink, but I don’t think that is it. If I see him as I am walking by I feel weird. This is abnormal and annoying. I think the only person who is happy about this is Sarah because she finds it funny that I cannot figure these guys out and its causing me to act out of character.
Honestly I am having such a difficult time figuring them out that I couldn’t even write about their character as I don’t know it. Which is good because of the fact that if I was to like a person I would want them to be someone fascinating and someone that I can be surprised by, but those traits also make me so frustrated. I cannot even describe the frustration I am feeling, some of it comes from the situation with them and some comes from the fact that I have noticed myself behaving in ways that I don’t understand. For example, I have been fumbling on things I shouldn’t (in front of a class even), talking a lot more than normal (which in my case is a very very large amount)! Trust me it is an intense amount of weirdness that I do not understand in any way. I know that anyone reading this will probably be sitting there thinking “its obvious you like someone, don’t make a big deal out of it!” well for me that is a big deal. I don’t have emotions like this, honestly I don’t care enough to have emotions like this. So I feel like I have the right to be this confused and frustrated.
Wish me luck,
The not so wicked witch
Missing Months Part 3
What is a fairytale without a few twists and turns, my weirdest turn in these past months was a proposal from Richard. I feel like the use of the word weirdest implies the proposal was unwanted and VERY unexpected. I was actually very angry and quite insulted to be honest. Its not like he was a bad man, he was just pushing a proposal on someone he had barely been seeing.
He offered me a nice life, but a life that meant sacrificing a lot of my aspirations for his, even though he didn’t implicitly say this… I just knew. For me it would never matter what a gentleman could give me if he wanted my intellectual peruses to be shut down. I have come to learn very few sympathize with my anger and pain, because who wouldn’t want a wealthy man to shower them with gifts. Well if this wasn’t obvious to you I wouldn’t! I want love, and an epic weird love story, not a bribed relationship. So I am apparently set to be single for a very long time.
More to come,
The not so Wicked Witch